Tales Of Austrengland: Teamship Justice, Part I

Teamship Justice is a fleet of pirate ships under the control of Captain Gordon Shumway. Captain Shumway Captains The Dynamite with a Laserbeam. This is the largest ship with the most water fountains and cleanest bathrooms. The next ship is The VonChettle, captained by Loaf Enjuggs. The VonChettle has the most speed because it is made out of greasy wood. The final ship in the Teamship Justice fleet is The Starspeed, captained by Clete Gulch. The Starspeed the one in the middle that no one cares about. Teamship Justice is full of hilarious characters with really funny names. We had a really great adventure over the last year. Captain Shumway sent me, Gahl Yon, to tell you all about the ups and downs experienced in Teamship Justice.

Well I guess I should start from the beginning where a young Gordon Shumway won the lottery and bought his very first ship. Gordon was told by his father at a very young age, "If you want people to fear you as a pirate, you need to think up a name that is both scary, and futuristic."

Gordon spent many sleepless nights thinking up very scary, very futuristic words. Some of the names that came to mind were, The Learned Samurai with a Flashdrive, The Genetically Bread Tiger with Crocks, and, my personal favorite, The Fire-Breathing Polar Bear under a Blacklight. Gordon knew that none of these would suffice. He knew he needed some inspiration to come up with something good enough to paint on the front of his boat, so he went to the dynamite plantation in Westerton, PA. Not only was dynamite very dangerous, it was also quite futuristic especially if you saw how it was lit off on the plantation. You guessed it, they used laserbeams.

So he found it. The perfect name for is very scary, very futuristic Pirate ship

Yahahar

Tales Of Austrengland: Austrengland, Country or Catastrophe?

My friend Jake and I come from a pretty private place that not many people know about. It is a place called Austrengland. Austrengland is located just north of a group of islands, I'm not sure if you have heard of it, its called Hawaii. What we did is took a nice part of England and a crappy part of Australia and put them together. Unfortunately the two piece didn't go together very well. It was like taking two puzzle pieces that don't go together and trying to put them together. It didn't work too well. But that was ok with us. We lived very happily on Austrengland for many years. Jake became the Captain of Austrengland and I became the Party Emperor. We were sitting in our office in the tallest building in Austrengland. We were on the top floor (the third floor) playing a rather killer game of solitaire, when the fuzzle box (what we called our phones), began to jingle. Jake picked up the fuzzle and said "OY." A man by the name of Terrence Humbigger asked if we were interested in a brand new, top of the line experiment to connect Australia and England together. Of course we were interested, but the experiment was very risky. We thought about it for a few minutes, and decided that it was in everybody's best interests to combine the two for good. Terrence said he had a great big blender that he was going to put Austrengland into and turn it to super ice crush mode. We could feel the ground beneath us starting to spin. At this time I, surprisingly, was in the mood for a snow cone. But, it was way out of line because the experiment began to go totally nutters. everything was being destroyed. The zoos, the supermarkets, the middle schools, the animals, everything. I blacked out after I saw the Austrengland Zoo sink into the ocean. I woke up after everything was gone. I started yelling for my captain. After what seemed like an eternity I heard his voice. We hopped on to the only thing that we saw. It turned out to be a giant turtle shell. There we stood, on our giant turtles shell, looking at the ice crushed remains of Austrengland.

Country or Catastrophe? I saw both. I like to say people came for the Country, but they stayed for the catastrophe.