The Conspiracy of California Law Makers to Steal Maple Syrup in Canada

I know that lots of you out there don't think about conspiracies about maple syrup and all I have to say is "what the hell is your problem?" Do you people have any idea what this could do to us as a nation? It could kill us off one pancake at a time. (sidenote: Pancakes are also called Hotcakes) Technically if the maple syrup stealing keeps going as it is going now we will never get hit by this epidemic, however it could still spread into the rockies and right down to Utah. Never underestimate the power of Canadian Maple Syrup. It can change a whole society in one swift flick of the wrist. The government will not stop til they get enough, and as we all know, you can never get enough of maple syrup. Madness? Maybe not.

Tales Of Austrengland: Teamship Justice, Part I

Teamship Justice is a fleet of pirate ships under the control of Captain Gordon Shumway. Captain Shumway Captains The Dynamite with a Laserbeam. This is the largest ship with the most water fountains and cleanest bathrooms. The next ship is The VonChettle, captained by Loaf Enjuggs. The VonChettle has the most speed because it is made out of greasy wood. The final ship in the Teamship Justice fleet is The Starspeed, captained by Clete Gulch. The Starspeed the one in the middle that no one cares about. Teamship Justice is full of hilarious characters with really funny names. We had a really great adventure over the last year. Captain Shumway sent me, Gahl Yon, to tell you all about the ups and downs experienced in Teamship Justice.

Well I guess I should start from the beginning where a young Gordon Shumway won the lottery and bought his very first ship. Gordon was told by his father at a very young age, "If you want people to fear you as a pirate, you need to think up a name that is both scary, and futuristic."

Gordon spent many sleepless nights thinking up very scary, very futuristic words. Some of the names that came to mind were, The Learned Samurai with a Flashdrive, The Genetically Bread Tiger with Crocks, and, my personal favorite, The Fire-Breathing Polar Bear under a Blacklight. Gordon knew that none of these would suffice. He knew he needed some inspiration to come up with something good enough to paint on the front of his boat, so he went to the dynamite plantation in Westerton, PA. Not only was dynamite very dangerous, it was also quite futuristic especially if you saw how it was lit off on the plantation. You guessed it, they used laserbeams.

So he found it. The perfect name for is very scary, very futuristic Pirate ship

Yahahar

Tales Of Austrengland: Austrengland, Country or Catastrophe?

My friend Jake and I come from a pretty private place that not many people know about. It is a place called Austrengland. Austrengland is located just north of a group of islands, I'm not sure if you have heard of it, its called Hawaii. What we did is took a nice part of England and a crappy part of Australia and put them together. Unfortunately the two piece didn't go together very well. It was like taking two puzzle pieces that don't go together and trying to put them together. It didn't work too well. But that was ok with us. We lived very happily on Austrengland for many years. Jake became the Captain of Austrengland and I became the Party Emperor. We were sitting in our office in the tallest building in Austrengland. We were on the top floor (the third floor) playing a rather killer game of solitaire, when the fuzzle box (what we called our phones), began to jingle. Jake picked up the fuzzle and said "OY." A man by the name of Terrence Humbigger asked if we were interested in a brand new, top of the line experiment to connect Australia and England together. Of course we were interested, but the experiment was very risky. We thought about it for a few minutes, and decided that it was in everybody's best interests to combine the two for good. Terrence said he had a great big blender that he was going to put Austrengland into and turn it to super ice crush mode. We could feel the ground beneath us starting to spin. At this time I, surprisingly, was in the mood for a snow cone. But, it was way out of line because the experiment began to go totally nutters. everything was being destroyed. The zoos, the supermarkets, the middle schools, the animals, everything. I blacked out after I saw the Austrengland Zoo sink into the ocean. I woke up after everything was gone. I started yelling for my captain. After what seemed like an eternity I heard his voice. We hopped on to the only thing that we saw. It turned out to be a giant turtle shell. There we stood, on our giant turtles shell, looking at the ice crushed remains of Austrengland.

Country or Catastrophe? I saw both. I like to say people came for the Country, but they stayed for the catastrophe.

Cheer Up!

I saw this quote today and it is just what I needed.  But also it freakin blows because it is so true.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

-Philander Johnson-

College Life

Have you ever had the feeling that you aren't going anywhere?  Thats how I feel.  School is a bunch of shit classes that I don't need and yet they still stress the hell out of me.  It seems like everyone around me, wether it be friends, or just some people in a class that I don't even know, know what they are going to do for the rest of their lives.  How the hell do you know that? I am right out of high school. I didn't think i needed to make these decisions until after a mission.  But the reality check that I constantly get is that you are a dumbass if you don't know what you are going to do.  

Also, I thought that college life was supposed to be fun, but so far in my college career I rarely find anything fun to do.  Either because everyone is busy or my friends have other friends who they are hanging out with.  I realize that living at your house even if it is cheaper, still blows because you are always home alone unless you are doing something productive.  And my life right now is  very unproductive.  I know I'm not the only person like this though.  So now I am going to stop sitting around bitchin' and go do something productive with my time.  Maybe even homework :{).

From Day to Day

Each and every day i wake up and wonder what I am going to do that day.  Would you like to know what I say every damn day? School and work!!!  Rarely do I ever hang out with friends.  Either because I work or because they are too damn busy.  I finally got away and came to Denver with my brother.  As we were driving the 8 hours to get here, we had a freakin' blast.  Would you like to know why?  Because there was nothing that we had to  do. No stress to bring our naturally hilarious personalities.  That made me feel great.  The only problem with this trip is that now, more than ever, I want to be rich so that I can forrow my dreams and become a movie star.  My brother Nick and I are going to write a movie that will be the greatest show since Dumb and Dumber.  I think it will be called something like "The Leprechaun who Lost his Shirt" or "Me Gusta Papaya" I would like for it to be out in time for summer 2010, but it won't be.  I have stupid school, and not an endless supply of money.  Thats just how crappy life is sometimes. Damn this life Day to Day.

Deep Thoughts Part V by Matt

Today I was about to buy my deep thoughts from a infomercial but then I had a dream.  This dream wasn't your normal dream about being chased by Goro and Sub Zero from Mortal Kombat, but this dream was about dinosaurs and Dr. Bubblegum Pepper Toilet Bowl Cleaner and Dirtier. The dream I had took place in my home where I was totally safe from any dinosaur attacks.  But once I left the comfort of my own house  I was very likely to be devoured by a dinosaur.  This may seem like  the easiest thing to do to make my own life safe.  But there was a sick twist in this dream.  For days I have been awaiting the arrival of my most recent DVD purchase, Space Jam.  Well what do you know?  Up drives the Mailman and puts Space Jam in the mailbox.  As i open the door and take one step out i have seemed to forget, due to my excitement, that I am prone to dinosaur attacks.  Before I could see what I did next, I woke up.  Now, all day I have been wondering what I would do.  Would I stay in and guarantee another day on this earth? Or would I go get Space Jam and enjoy the show I have looking forward to for so long now?  I personally think I would risk my life because Space Jam is Bitchin. Enough Said.  I Love You :{)

Random Writings

So here I sit in the Snow College Library and I have nothing to do so i thought I would talk to you about awesome nick-names. Recently a couple of my friends have been giving each other sweet nick-names such as Shredder, Clutch, Voltron and Danger. I myself am called Thunder. I must say, I freaking love have such a bitchin nick-name. It makes me feel like there is a purpose to life. That purpose is to kick ass. If you don't have a nick-name I suggest you pick one up. If you can't think of an awesome name here are a few I have come up with: Hellcat, Auto, Hurricane, Skidmark, Sludge, Shark Trainer, Flame, Volcano, Destroyer, Natural Disaster, Wolf, Avalanche, Bear, Deathcast, Blade, Scissor, Wound Inflicter, Crusher, Thor, Canine, or Tim. I would love it if you decided to pick up one of these names and start your new improved life. I Love You:{)

Deep Thoughts Part IV by Matt

I am sorry about my tardiness on this weeks Deep Thoughts.  I feel that i forgot to do the Deep Thoughts for a reason. I was doing my assignment for History of Rock and Roll and I was trying to write some verses in AAB format for the Blues.  This assignment seemed easier that it was.  I was trying to write just three verses and it was hard.  Not only was it hard, but my verses are really dumb.  I gotta hand it to those blues writers, or even every song writer ever.  Kudos to you.  Now I am going to let you see my verses and them maybe you will appreciate songs so much more because of how dumb mine are.

1.

I was driving down the road, I was going 65,

Yeah rolling down the road, going 65,

When I saw this cat and I slapped him a high five.

2.

I woke up this morning, I couldn't feel my toes, 

Oh i woke up this morning with no feeling in my toes,

Then I looked down and noticed in the cold they were exposed.

3.

Floating down the stream in my tipped over canoe,

Yeah I was floating down the stream with my tipped over canoe,

I guess I have the classic case of the tipped over canoe blues.

See how crappy that is.  YBe grateful for the music we have today, and the artists we have.  Because not everyone can write lyrics, as you can see.  I love you :{)

Wild and Crazy....

In this world of hate

There has to be a light.

Be that light and spread some love,

Maybe this day the youth can be the difference.

I came across this quote today and blew me away.  This world is so filled with hate and it can be hard to notice.  Like anything that is trying to be enforced  for the good of everyone.  Seat belts for example.  I know it sucks having to worry about getting a ticket just for not having your seat belt on, but it pretty much forces you to be safer.  Why people complain and hate on that, I don't  know.  Even when we take hate to the extreme and look at the president.  I have only been alive while four presidents have been in office and my first memory of a president was President Clinton.  I know he was a big moron but he did have to do something first for me to not like him.  As for the next president, G.W. Bush, everyone hated him.  I don't know why people hated him, but as for most of America, they hated him because they thought it was cool.  When you think about it, Bush didn't really do anything to make our economy  the way it is.  Sure you  can blame a lot on the war but he can't just send our military to another country to fight without lots of people who allow that.  And  last but not least, Barack Obama. We haven't even seen what has tried to do.  He entered the White House yesterday.  He hasn't done anything.  But still there are lots of people who think that he will get assassinated.  What real reason do people have to want him assassinated? We don't have any really.  

Why must we hate?  If we all just loved, our problems would cut down a lot. Think about it.  I love you:{)

I Like to Rock the Party!!!

                   

This last weekend I was at the car show at the South Town Expo Center and I must admit, it wasn't the best car show I've  seen.  In fact, this car show was the worst  one due to how much i enjoyed the cars.  However, this car show was my favorite show ever.  You may be asking yourself how it could be the worst, yet my favorite show.  Well I will tell you why it was so awesome.  It is because there were three stunningly attractive, good smelling people with very inspirational smiles and kind eyes that just brightened the entire building.  I will now admit to you that I was one of these three extraordinary human beings.  Thats right, I was one of those who brightened others days. Today I would like to tell you how we brightened these peoples lives.

The night before we went to the car show we decided to hit up the Deseret Industries.  Years ago, I decided to buy something from D.I. and  wear it  to all of my activities throughout the day.  And this is how I brought joy to others.  At the D.I., I found a sweater with the McDonalds logo on it. This made me feel all warm inside when I found it.  And in turn others found joy in it.  I wasn't the only person who found awesome things at this D.I.  Nick found an awesome turtle neck and  golf sweater, and Hannah found an amazing purple sweater and a pretty pair of boots.  When you hit a D.I. and find things like we did, and you too can Rock the Party.

Deep Thoughts Part III by Matt

In this third edition of Deep Thoughts I decided to address a very important issue in our society today.  What question you ask? I'll tell you.  Why is it that so many people gotta hate our president?  It happened with G.W. and now I am willing to bet that people are going to start thinking they are cool by saying that they are rebels and will say all kinds of crap against Obama.  Lots of people say that they are just happy Bush is out of the White House.  But eventually a bunch of jerks are going to start making shirts and posters about how bad our president is.  Now I know that Obama isn't the person lots of people would like to see leading our country, but he is our President.  How about we give him a chance, and show that no matter what, we are proud to be American.  Lets not be the generation that made America bomb, lets be that generation that made it what it used to be.

Awkward Situations

I feel a bit awkward blogging about this but I am sitting here in my house with my roommate, Dave, my ex-girlfriend, Alyssa and Amie the friend.  I decided that i would write this blog just to tell you all about how awkward this situation really is.  To give an example of how awkward this is I will use an analogy.  Say that you are sitting there in your room and you get a little knock on the door and so you open the door and in walks an old lady, but as she walks in the door bumps your hand, and you accidentally touch her butt.  If you could give a percentage  on how awkward that is times it by ten and you would about be to as awkward as this situation I'm in.  Sorry if this was a kind of weird to read, but come on, what else can I do?  I love you brother and Hannah. thanks for reading this.

Deep Thoughts Part II by Matt

Ahhhh! I Sure do love sharing my deep thoughts.  Today I have a thought that was triggered by my favorite musician ever, Rivers Cuomo.  He has a song on his first solo album "Alone" called Lemonade.  In this song, Rivers brings up that age old analogy about how if life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.  Well this made me think about how many people buy lemonade instead of making their own.  I don't mean this literally, of course.  I am just trying to say is why do we always look at the more material things in life?  I think we should try to sit back and enjoy the finer things in life like friends and the time we have together.  I am a kid who is in college who may have just wasted the final years in high school with a girl. Now that my time with all my friends is rapidly running short, I am finally going to take the lemons life gives me and throw out the Minute Maid.  This is my life and I am going to make it what I wish and I encourage all my reader to do it too.  

FIRST DAY OF DAMN SCHOOL

Today it the first day of school and the only thing that keeps going through my head is DAMN IT!!!! That break was far too short, and it didn't feel like I even did anything other than just sit around. Now that I am back at school all that i am ever going to get to do is wake up, go to school, and go to work. Since I have a 7:30 A.M. class I don't think that I am going to be able to make it through many late nights. Which means that I will just go home from work and go right to sleep and wake up and do the same thing. All that I can look forward to now is this semester ending. Why can't someone just tell me what I am supposed to do and then give me a job. I just want to have a career and start making some real money and have my own house. I wish my future would just hurry up and get here.

Deep Thoughts Part I by Matt

In this very new year I have seen something amazing and something ludicrous.   I will start off with the amazing.

Tonight I watched the Utah Utes kick the asses of the Alabama Crimson Tide.  Not only was this game great because I am a Utes fan, but also because I saw how bull shit the BCS really is. Not only did I see it but the whole world should have seen it.  Utah is worthy of being the National Champions.  If not actually being the champions at least having a shot at the national title.  Utah was the only undefeated team in the whole nation this year.  That means that the two teams in the National Championship Bowl  are both one loss teams.  If that isn't enough, last year the Ohio State Buckeyes were in the National Championship Bowl and were a two loss team.  I guess that the whole reason for this incredible outrage, is the crap that the BCS has brought to college football.  What I would like to see is a fair way to tell who is really the national champions.  If those sports experts are really experts, why can't they make a fair more accurate way to tell the champion?  Answer me that.

The ludicrous thing that I have seen this year has a lot to do with girls.  I'm not saying that girls are bad or anything but when you get a kid who just wants some action with some girl it gets a little ridiculous.  If you can believe it or not one of my roommates who is living in MY house actually tried to kick me out so he could be alone with this girl.  Don't get me wrong I love this kid, but really? I just got home from work, and was looking forward to enjoying my night, and then he drops this bomb on me.  What the hell?  So I went upstairs and spent the night there by myself.  Come on man, our break is almost over.  Why not forget about the girl and hang out with the boys? 

I hope that you have enjoyed my first part of Deep Thoughts.  Stay tuned for another part.